Building a happy and healthy relationship (Part 2)
Written in association with:
Psychologist
Published: 08/10/2024
Edited by: Carlota Pano
Creating a happy and healthy relationship is an ongoing journey that requires mutual respect, emotional openness, and intentional effort. For many, maintaining a thriving connection with their partner can seem complex, but understanding a few key elements can make the process much smoother.
Following on from the first part of this series of articles on happy and healthy relationships, Dr Sarah Alsawy-Davies, leading clinical psychologist and expert relationship coach, explains essential practices like accepting feedback, expressing appreciation, and nurturing emotional bonds to ensure a fulfilling partnership.
How can I cultivate humility to accept and utilise feedback from my partner constructively?
Humility is fundamental in any relationship, particularly when it comes to accepting feedback. Feedback, though often difficult to receive, is a tool that helps you grow and strengthen your connection. Cultivating humility means recognising that no one is perfect, including yourself. Instead of viewing feedback as criticism, it helps to reframe it as an opportunity for improvement.
To develop humility, start by listening actively. When your partner offers feedback, resist the urge to become defensive. Understand that their intention is likely to improve the relationship, not attack your character. Reflect on their words and consider the areas in which you can grow. Respond thoughtfully and ask for clarification if necessary, but always aim to understand their perspective.
It's also important to acknowledge your partner's feelings without minimising them. Expressing phrases like, “I understand how you feel” or “I appreciate you bringing this up” demonstrates emotional maturity. Accepting feedback doesn’t mean always agreeing with it, but approaching these conversations with humility fosters trust and strengthens emotional intimacy.
What steps can I take to ensure that this feedback contributes positively to the relationship and helps me assess my alignment and commitment?
For feedback to be truly constructive, it must lead to positive change rather than unresolved tension. After receiving feedback, reflect on how it aligns with your personal values and relationship goals. This introspection helps you assess your own emotional commitment to making the necessary adjustments.
It’s crucial to communicate with your partner after receiving feedback. Revisit the conversation at a time when you both feel calm and level-headed. Share how the feedback has impacted you and discuss actionable steps to improve. This ongoing dialogue keeps you both accountable and aligned with the long-term vision for the relationship.
Assessing alignment and commitment also involves self-assessment. Periodically ask yourself: Am I willing to make the changes necessary to maintain this relationship? Are our values still aligned? This practice will help you both stay conscious of your shared goals, ensuring that the relationship grows rather than stagnates.
How crucial is it to show daily appreciation to my partner through their preferred love language?
Daily expressions of appreciation are essential for maintaining a healthy relationship. One effective way to show love is by understanding and using your partner's preferred love language – of which there are five: words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch. Each person tends to have one or two dominant love languages, and understanding these can significantly enhance the emotional connection in a relationship.
When you consistently express appreciation in a way that resonates with your partner, it creates a sense of emotional security and fulfilment. If your partner's love language is words of affirmation, offering verbal praise and expressing gratitude can deeply resonate with them. On the other hand, if they value acts of service, small gestures like helping with household chores might speak volumes.
Regularly using your partner’s love language not only makes them feel valued but also strengthens the bond between you. Ignoring this aspect can leave your partner feeling unappreciated, even if you think you’re showing love. Therefore, it’s essential to understand how your partner experiences love and consistently make the effort to express it in ways that resonate with them.
What are some practical ways to understand and consistently apply my partner's love language to enhance relationship satisfaction?
Understanding your partner’s love language involves both observation and open communication. Pay attention to how your partner responds to different forms of affection. Do they seem particularly happy after you spend quality time with them? Do they enjoy receiving compliments? These reactions can offer clues about their love language.
Openly discussing each other’s love languages is another practical step. Sit down with your partner and ask them how they prefer to receive love. It’s a simple yet meaningful conversation that can prevent misunderstandings and make both of you feel more appreciated.
Once you know your partner’s love language, make a conscious effort to integrate it into your daily routine. If their love language is quality time, for example, make an effort to spend uninterrupted time together, even if it’s just for 15 minutes each day. If they value receiving gifts, leave thoughtful tokens of appreciation, such as a handwritten note.
Consistency is key. Love languages are about emotional fulfilment, and sporadic efforts can leave your partner feeling neglected. By making these gestures a regular part of your relationship, you enhance mutual satisfaction and maintain emotional closeness.
Why is continuous nurturing important for a relationship, and what are some signs that a relationship may be stagnating or deteriorating?
Relationships require constant nurturing to stay vibrant. Much like a plant that needs water and sunlight, a relationship flourishes when both partners consistently invest time, energy, and attention into it. Without this nurturing, even the most robust connections can weaken.
One of the key reasons for nurturing a relationship is that it fosters emotional intimacy and trust. When you both stop making an effort, communication can break down, resentment can build, and the relationship can stagnate.
Signs of stagnation or deterioration include a lack of communication, growing emotional distance, frequent arguments, and a general feeling of dissatisfaction or boredom. You may also notice that you or your partner stop making an effort to spend quality time together or no longer show appreciation as often as before.
Emotional disconnection is one of the clearest indicators that a relationship needs attention. If you or your partner feel unfulfilled or neglected, it's crucial to address these feelings early to avoid causing further harm to the relationship.
What strategies can my partner and I employ to ensure our relationship remains vibrant and growing?
There are several strategies you can use to maintain a vibrant, growing relationship. Open communication is at the heart of these efforts. Regularly checking in with your partner about your emotional needs and desires helps prevent miscommunication and ensures that both partners feel heard.
It’s also beneficial to continually set new goals for the relationship. Whether it’s planning a future trip, working on a shared project, or simply striving to improve communication, having shared goals keeps the relationship dynamic. These goals give both of you something to work towards, strengthening your bond.
Intentional time together is another key strategy. While life can get busy, it’s essential to prioritise quality time, whether that’s through date nights, shared hobbies, or simply enjoying each other’s company at home. These moments of connection will remind you both of the importance of your relationship and allow you to continue deepening your bond.
Likewise, continuous personal growth is equally crucial. As you evolve, so does the relationship. When you and your partner work on your personal development, whether through learning new skills, pursuing hobbies, or self-reflection, you bring more to the relationship. This personal growth enriches the connection and ensures that it remains fulfilling and exciting.
Finally, don’t forget to celebrate milestones and achievements. Recognising important dates, such as anniversaries or even smaller moments of success, fosters appreciation and creates positive memories that will strengthen your emotional connection over time.
If you would like to book an appointment with Dr Sarah Alsawy-Davies, head on over to her Top Doctors profile today.