Building confidence: overcoming low self-esteem in teens
Written in association with:
GP
Published: 29/10/2024
Edited by: Jessica Wise
Being a teenager can be tough – no longer a child but still not an adult yet. During the turbulence of adolescence, teens go through a lot of confusing changes in their bodies and their hormones. This can cause changes in mood, habits, likes, and behaviour. However, your teen isn’t going through it alone; their peers and friends will also be going through this process, affecting their relationships and friendships. All of this can be difficult to adjust to, and their self-esteem may suffer as a result.
Dr Siyana Shaffi, a leading GP with expertise in mental health in adolescents shares insight on how to get your teen feeling confident and good about themselves.
What is self-esteem?
Self-esteem in teens is the way they view and talk to themselves—the inner voice that might say, “You’ve got this!” or quite often the opposite, “You’re useless.” It affects how they feel about who they are and what they can achieve. Think of self-esteem as the foundation of a building; when it’s strong, teens feel secure and ready to take on life’s challenges. But when it’s weak, everything feels more difficult and uncertain. High self-esteem helps teens feel confident and capable, while low self-esteem can make even simple tasks feel overwhelming, filling them with doubt. This article explores why self-esteem is so important for teens, how low self-esteem can hold them back, and ways to help them build a more positive view of themselves.
How does low self-esteem affect teenagers?
The impact of self-esteem extends far beyond how teens see themselves. It influences their relationships (finding it difficult to make new friends) and academic performance (dwelling over mistakes). It can even impact their long-term mental health.
Without confidence and self-esteem, teenagers are more likely to withdraw from the activities they enjoy, avoid trying new things, and not express themselves truly – which can easily evolve into depression or anxiety.
Low self-esteem can be quite debilitating to a teenager, and if they never learn the tools to build their confidence back up, they may continue to struggle with it into adulthood,
Imagine a teen waking up each day with a cloud of self-doubt hanging over them. That’s what life can feel like for those struggling with low self-esteem. This self-doubt can show up in different ways—hesitating to speak up in class, avoiding social events, or constantly worrying about others' opinions. This inner critic can hold them back from reaching their full potential, making them question their abilities and worth.
On the other hand, high self-esteem acts like a shield, protecting teens from the slings and arrows of doubt. It empowers them to tackle new challenges with courage and resilience, giving them the confidence to step up and take on opportunities, knowing they have what it takes.
How can teenagers build back confidence?
There is no one method for building confidence, but there are a few things they can remember, and for parents to remind them of:
Recognise your strengths and values. Recognizing achievements, like nailing a presentation or scoring a goal, can be a powerful way for teens to build self-confidence and see their strengths clearly. By focusing on what they've accomplished, they reinforce a positive self-image that can counter self-doubt. A simple exercise—writing down five achievements and five strengths—helps teens understand how their abilities have guided them through challenges, creating a toolkit they can rely on in the future. Want to know how to put this into practice and build confidence? Read on to discover actionable steps for turning strengths into success. Be kind to yourself. Be compassionate about mistakes or regrets – the past is in the past. They think they lack the merits that their peers have, believing that they are not as smart, attractive, or likeable as others. Imagine a teen walking through life carrying a backpack filled with stones of criticism and doubt, each one adding weight. Self-compassion is like removing those stones, one by one. It’s about being kind to themselves, especially when things don’t go as planned. So, it is important to remind your teen of the positive impact they have on your life and of those around them. Celebrate wins (even the small ones). Teens can celebrate their achievements, big or small, in many ways. Keeping a "Ta-Da List" or journal of their successes allows them to record and reflect on their progress, serving as a powerful reminder of their capabilities. Sharing these accomplishments with friends or family can also boost confidence, as it invites encouragement and support. Simple rewards, like enjoying a favourite treat or a fun activity, can be a meaningful way to acknowledge progress. Focusing on growth rather than perfection helps teens see setbacks as valuable learning experiences, reinforcing a positive approach to their journey. Repeat positive affirmations. Recited or displayed around their room, these can help change their mindset over time and counteract negative thoughts. They act like a daily playlist of uplifting thoughts, designed to boost teens' self-belief and confidence. These simple statements, such as “I am capable and strong” or “I deserve happiness and success” help replace negative thoughts with positive ones, gradually rewiring the brain toward a more optimistic mindset. Incorporating affirmations daily can reduce stress and anxiety, building a stronger self-image over time. Teens can create their own affirmations by focusing on areas where they need confidence, using positive language, and repeating them regularly to foster resilience and a sense of self-worth. Stay connected. Building a network of people they trust makes a teenager feel a part of a community. Once a teen knows that they’re not alone, and that there are people who care for them, they will feel encouraged and their confidence will be less easily shaken. This community could consist of family and, friends, teammates, or people doing the same activities. Know your voice. A teen will feel validated if they can communicate their thoughts and feelings openly, and know they are being heard. It can also help them process their experiences and emotions. If a teen cannot speak freely, then all those thoughts stay in their head, crowding and overwhelming, and then they won’t know their own voice, losing their agency – will they feel they have to say “yes” when they really want to say “no”? Developing assertiveness equips teens with effective communication and confident body language, focusing on their experiences. Practicing through role-play builds resilience and boosts confidence in real-life interactions. Accept body image. For many teens, body image is a constant struggle, shaped by unrealistic portrayals of "perfection" in social media and magazines. These images can distort teens’ perceptions, leading them to feel inadequate and pressuring them to fit unrealistic standards. This negative body image can erode self-esteem, often triggering self-doubt and unhealthy behaviors that impact how they see themselves and interact with others.A lot of teens go through body image issues, and At worst, teens could struggle with eating disorders, bullying, dysphoria, or self-harm because of it. Encourage your teen to embrace the idea that all bodies are different, and theirs are still changing. Social media has a significant impact on body perception, so be cautious of how much time they spend on those platforms and how it’s affecting them. Learn from failure. Setbacks are like unexpected plot twists in a teen’s life, frustrating yet inevitable, offering powerful growth opportunities. Like in a video game, where losing a life means trying a new strategy, setbacks encourage teens to reflect, adapt, and build resilience. Overcoming setbacks starts with understanding what went wrong, setting realistic goals, and creating a plan to move forward. Support from friends, family, or mentors can be invaluable, providing guidance and encouragement. By viewing setbacks as lessons rather than failures, teens can turn challenges into stepping stones toward greater achievements. Plan the next steps. Setting goals can help a teen focus and have them spend time on something they’d be proud of. When they accomplish something, especially something planned, they will feel good about themselves, even for small projects or tasks like chores. This will help foster their ambition, and perhaps make them a little more daring and unafraid of the spotlight. Even in the case that they fail, or things don’t go to plan, having the experience alone can give them enough confidence to want to try again.
How can parents support their teenagers with low confidence?
Parents should let their teens know that they are there to support them. It is important to foster an environment where your child can talk openly about the things that are worrying them. Letting them know that you are on their side can help them feel safer to express themselves.
People often say children are like sponges, so it is important that the parents are also practising high self-esteem. Be aware of how you talk about yourself and your body, as any toxic patterns that you exhibit may be rubbing off on them.
If they are having a difficult time with schoolwork, you can talk with a teacher or counsellor about getting them assistance or how they can catch up. Feeling different from your peers can have a huge impact on self-esteem.
Make sure they know there is no one right way to “be”. Everyone has their own path to walk. Encourage them to do the things that help when they’re struggling, and that it’s okay if they need to ask for help.
Teens dealing with a severe lack of confidence may benefit from counselling or therapy like cognitive-behavioural therapy (CBT). CBT works by helping patients make sense of overwhelming problems by breaking them down into smaller, manageable parts, and dismantling negative thought cycles – a sort of “reprogramming” of how their circumstances are viewed. CBT can also involve exposure therapy, which can be impactful for teens who are fearful of trying new things and looking silly. In group CBT sessions, patients are able to interact with others who have similar issues, helping to add perspective and a new context to personal hardships.
If your teen is grappling with low self-esteem, you can book a consultation with Dr Shaffi via her Top Doctors profile.