Building confidence: overcoming low self-esteem in teens

Being a teenager is tough – and also, unfortunately, completely unavoidable. During the turbulence of adolescence, teens go through a lot of confusing changes in their bodies and their hormones. This can cause changes in mood, habits, likes, and behaviour. However, your teen isn’t going through it alone; their peers and friends will also be going through this process, affecting their relationships and friendships. All of this can be difficult to adjust to, and their self-esteem may suffer as a result. In this article a leading GP with expertise in mental health shares insight on how to get your teen feeling confident and good about themselves.

What is self-esteem?

Self-esteem is how we think and feel about ourselves. It is our belief in our capabilities, our worth, and achievements. Low self-esteem is when a negative perception of the self is overpowering, we find ourselves lacking when compared to others, and blame ourselves for things beyond our control.

How does low self-esteem affect teenagers?

Low self-esteem can be quite debilitating to a young adult, and if they never learn the tools to build their confidence back up, they may continue to struggle with it into adulthood, finding it difficult to make new friends, and linger over mistakes. Without confidence and self-esteem, teenagers are more likely to withdraw from the activities they enjoy, avoid trying new things, and not express themselves truly – which can easily evolve into depression or anxiety.

How can teenagers build back confidence?

There is no one method for building confidence, but there are a few things they remember, and for parents to remind them of:

• Be kind to yourself. Celebrate wins and achievements, and challenge negative thoughts, and be compassionate about mistakes or regrets – the past is in the past. They think they lack the merits that their peers have, believing that they are not as smart, attractive, or likeable as others. So, it is important to remind your teen of the positive impact they have on your life and of those around them. Positive affirmations, recited or displayed around their room, can help change their mindset over time and counteract negative thoughts.
• Try something new. Taking risks and facing challenges head-on pushes them to step into the unknown. Putting themselves outside of their comfort zone takes courage, but it also broadens their horizons. They may discover a new hobby, passion, or skill – or they could fail. And that’s important, too! Learning how to fail, and how it won’t be the end of the world, helps to solidify a teen’s confidence that they can do hard things, or at least try!
• Stay connected. Building a network of people they trust makes a teenager feel a part of a community. Once a teen knows that they’re not alone, and that there are people who care for them, they will feel encouraged and their confidence will be less easily shaken. This community can be made of family, friends, teammates, or people doing the same activities.
• Know your voice. A teen will feel validated if they can communicate their thoughts and feelings openly, and know they are being heard. It can also help them process their experiences and emotions. If a teen cannot speak freely, then all those thoughts stay in their head, crowding and overwhelming, and then they won’t know their own voice, losing their agency – will they feel they have to say “yes” when they really want to say “no”? Assertiveness is a good quality to nurture in confident children.
• Live your truth. Exploring their interests and hobbies without worrying about what other people will think. It is important not to shame them for their excitement about things, even if you do not understand it yourself.
• Accept the body. A lot of teens go through body image issues, and could struggle with eating disorders, bullying, dysphoria, or self-harm because of it. Encourage your teen to embrace the idea that all bodies are different, and theirs are still changing. Social media has a significant impact in body perception, so be cautious of how much time they spend on those platforms and how it’s affecting them.
• Plan the next steps. Setting goals can help a teen focus and have them spend time on something they’d be proud of. When they accomplish something, especially something planned, they will feel good about themselves, even for small projects or tasks like chores. This will help foster their ambition, and perhaps make them a little more daring and unafraid of the spotlight. Even in the case that they fail, or things don’t go to plan, having the experience alone can give them enough confidence to want to try again.

How can parents support their teenagers with low confidence?

Parents should let their teens know that they are there to support them. It is important to foster an environment where your child can talk openly about the things that are worrying them. Letting them know that you are on their side can help them feel safer to express themselves.

People often say children are like sponges, so it is important that the parents are also practising high self-esteem. Be aware of how you talk about yourself and your body, as any toxic patterns that you exhibit may be rubbing off on them.

If they are having a difficult time with schoolwork, you can talk with a teacher or counsellor about getting them assistance or how they can catch up. Feeling different from your peers can have a huge impact on self-esteem.

Make sure they know there is no one right way to “be”. Everyone has their own path to walk.  Encourage them to do the things that help when they’re struggling, and that it’s okay if they need to ask for help.

Teens dealing with a severe lack of confidence may benefit from counselling or therapy like cognitive-behavioural therapy (CBT). CBT works by helping patients make sense of overwhelming problems by breaking them down into smaller, manageable parts, and dismantling negative thought cycles – a sort of “reprogramming” of how their circumstances are viewed. CBT can also involve exposure therapy, which can be impactful for teens who are fearful of trying new things and looking silly. In group CBT sessions, patients are able to interact with others who have similar issues, helping to add perspective and a new context to personal hardships.

If your teen is grappling with low self-esteem, you can book a consultation with a mental health specialist via Top Doctors.