Self-image in the digital age

We met with leading consultant psychologist Dr Nikki Scheiner to discuss how self-esteem affects our resilience, how social media is impacting how we see ourselves and how we see the world. She kindly gave us a few tips on how to boost self-esteem and spoke to us about some of the services offered at her clinic in Harley Street, The Functional Symptoms Recovery Clinic.

Does good self-esteem make us resilient?

If the building blocks in our childhood and adolescence are healthy, we can withstand many of the ‘slings and arrows’ that life throws our way. Our confidence may be temporarily dented, but then like a buoy on the sea that rights itself after being buffeted by the wind, we recover. That is not to say that people with robust self-image always withstand life’s challenges. At times, the magnitude and the context of an event can overwhelm even those of us who have a fairly robust self-image. Examples might include the loss of a job when we didn’t see it coming, the end of a relationship, poor health (our own or that of those we love). ‘It’s unfair’ is a short cut to low mood and sometimes to depression. Low self-esteem just makes it likely we will languish in a dark place for longer.

Some people believe that they are unlucky, and that other people enjoy better luck. Psychological research teaches us that whilst the odd instance of good or bad luck can strike, there is no underlying pattern. People who believe in themselves tend to be ‘luckier’. The reason is two-fold: they believe that they have a measure of control over their circumstances (a sense of agency and self-efficacy) and are also likely to be more resilient in the face of adversity.

How does social media have an impact on our self-esteem?

Because they are engaged in the developmental task of building their sense of identity, adolescents and young adults are more vulnerable to the influences of the world around them than the older generation. It is difficult to over-estimate the impact of social media in building or undermining self-esteem on those in their formative years. adolescents and young adults. The pressures (certainly in the Western world) to look good and to project a life that shouts, ‘Everything is wonderful’ have been created, in large part by social media. In my own practice, I have treated young women who take hundreds of photographs of themselves before alighting on the one which they consider shows them looking glamorous – usually on some sun-drenched beach. I have treated young men engage in risky behaviours so that they can assert their masculinity by posting their exploits on-line. Social media fuels social competition. Competition creates winners and losers. The self-esteem of both suffers. The losers conclude that they are not good enough because they do not have glossy lives, whilst the ‘winners’ are faced with the stress of keeping ahead, knowing that they are only as good as their last Facebook, Instagram or Snapchat post.

How does our self-esteem shape the attributions we make?

The easiest way to check your view of your own worth is to consider how you react in the face of success or failure. One example is to look at going for a job interview. You then find out that you have been offered the job. The individual with low self-esteem might think, ‘I was lucky; it was an easy interview’, ‘There weren’t many candidates’, ‘I fooled them: they will soon discover that I am a fraud.’ The person with robust self-esteem will reflect, ‘I performed really well in that interview.’. ‘I deserve that job.’

Conversely, when the individual with a healthy view of themselves does not get the job, they might think, ‘It was a tough interview’, ‘Next time, I will prepare more, ‘These jobs often go to the internal applicant’, ‘I’ll put in some more applications; something will come along.’ In contrast, the person who has a negative view of their self-worth will think, ‘I’m such a failure – I’m no good at anything’, I’ll never get a job’, ‘They saw me for what I am.’

The differences between these individuals are whether they attribute outcomes to themselves or to the situation, whether they think that outcome reflects a global or specific aspect of themselves and finally, whether they see the see the situation as transient or permanent. Have a look at the table below and ask yourself how you perform.

How does a psychologist approach a patient with low self-belief?

Therapy focuses on enhancing an individual’s self-belief. Friends and family can attempt to boost our self-esteem, but their interventions will be directed at boosting our morale rather than challenging our underlying unhelpful assumptions about our worth. Lasting change can only follow the understanding of both the source and function of our belief system. Once we acknowledge the roots of our sense of inferiority, we can start to remedy it.

Helping people glimpse the benefits of a life free from chronic insecurity is often the first step on the journey to recovery. Psychology works with the individual to identify their goals and to evaluate the benefits of change. Dismantling negative predictions and learning to be more assertive are twin objectives of therapy. Designing and carrying out tailored behavioural experiments allows the individual to experience a new and validating reality, replacing their previous insecurities and doubts.

What tips can you give to people who lack confidence in themselves?

Developing self-compassion rather than beating yourself up with harsh self-criticism is a good first step to improving your view of yourself. If you do not believe in yourself, don’t be surprised if others don’t. Learn to hold you head up high: look in the mirror and say to your reflection, ‘I matter’.

As a psychologist, I would always advise that people who want to enhance their self-esteem seek out an experienced and empathic therapist, and then define specific goals. (A lack of goals leads to what is known as ‘therapist drift’.) Specific objectives enable you to monitor your progress and stay on target. Therapy invariably opens cans of worms and it is important to prioritise which cans are the most important.

Finally, be aware that therapy requires courage and commitment. If you find you are enjoying your sessions, change your therapist! You should feel heard and understood at the same time as being challenged.

If you would like to book an appointment with Dr Nikki Scheinder for more advice and guidance, you may do so via her Top Doctors profile.